Ghoulish Clinton wins big in Transylvania

(from unbiased US media reports) Hillary Clinton's presidential campaign continues to cling unnaturally onto life after scoring a major political victory in the key undead state of Transylvania, according to a cross-section of unbiased US media reports. An army of zombie voters was called from its unholy sleep to deliver a 10-point margin of victory for the New York senator, reported CNBC's Chris Matthews, leaving Barack Obama unable to deliver a heroic knock-out blow in the race for the Democratic party presidential nomination. "Far from putting a stake through her cold, inhuman heart, the spirits of the damned have given the Clinton campaign a new lease on unlife," complained a New York Times editorial. "Why won't she die?" wailed Democratic party chairman Howard Dean, while putting garlic round the windows of the Denver arena where the party national convention will be held in August. The large victory margin was confirmed by Sesame Street's Count von Count, who read out the vote tallies one-by-one.