Celebrity couple push forward the boundaries of thought

Following news that Jordan's latest novel, Crystal, is outselling the entire Man Booker prize shortlist, celebrity husband Peter Andre has announced that he is close to developing a complete theory of prime numbers which will shed new light on the mathematical structure of the universe and could lead to the development of proofs for hotly disputed mathematical controversies such as the Riemann Hypothesis and the Strong Goldbach Conjecture.

Meanwhile Ian McEwan, Britain's leading poorly-selling novelist, was last night reported to be considering changing his name to Chardonnay.