World's cleverest man cracks facial hair-mullet-eyebrow conundrum

"He feels tiny improper things very strongly."

UK calls in Israeli ambassador to explain Mossad facial hair policy

Full secret hairy disguise story.

Alan Johnson quiff tipped to take over as Labour leader

The quiff of Health Secretary Alan Johnson has been
installed as favourite to become the next leader of the Labour Party. James Purnell's sideburns are third favourite, whilst David Miliband's barely detectable bumfluff has slipped to fourth.

Jacqui Smith's husband apologises for the whole goatee/swept back hair thing

The shame.

Facial hair world rocked by fraud probe

"Would you seriously hand over your money to someone with a 'tache like that?"

Peter Mandelson's moustache makes shock return to cabinet

Gordon Brown's move to bring Peter Mandelson's moustache back into the cabinet has sent shock waves through Westminster. The feud between the pair dates back to the moustache's decision to back Tony Blair's bald spot instead of Mr Brown's luxuriant locks for the Labour leadership in 1994.

Olympics: Croatia unplaced in Mark Spitz look-alike event

Spitz record under threat as Phelps fingers upper lip

Mark Spitz's record haul of Olympic moustaches is under threat from American pool sensation Michael Phelps who is understood to be planning to unveil secret aerodynamic technology at the Beijing games this week. Spitz's moustache yesterday sent a good luck telegram to Phelps' upper lip in advance of the men's 200 metres freestyle and wax.

Genocide, moustache...what's not to like?

Story.

(Via)

James Purnell's sideburns tipped for top job

As nervous Labour MPs ponder how long Gordon Brown can stay in office, many in Westminster are tipping James Purnell's sideburns to take over as Prime Minister before the next election. If the Welfare Secretary's sideburns make it to Downing Street they would become the first facial hair to make it to the top job since Harold Macmillan's moustache and pipe's joint premiership.

Dance Desk: Unisex moustaches and Spanish funk

(Muchas gracias: Ectomo)

Church split over beards

The worldwide Anglican communion is facing a damaging rift which observers say could lead to a formal schism in the Church. The Archbeard of Canterbury, Dr Rowan Williams, told the General Synod yesterday that women risked humiliation if they, too, were not permitted to grow beards. Dr Williams has faced fierce opposition from smooth-cheeked traditionalists, who claim that they will only permit themselves to be shaved by other men. Archbishop Peter Jensen of Sydney, a leading hairless primate, claimed that bearded women could quite easily be mistaken for gays.

The Anglican Church is following the lead of other churches, such as the Church of Scientology, which has tolerated female beards for many years.

Ethical storm as scientist becomes first man to clone own moustache

In a breakthrough certain to provoke an ethical furore, boffin Dr Samuel Wood has created clones of his own moustache. Each tiny 'tache was smaller than a pinhead, but critics fear the technology could be exploited by mavericks. One opponent said: "We have got scientists wandering around in an ethical wilderness, forgetting about matters of justice relating to our fellow human beings and their facial hair." The Vatican has also condemned the cloning of moustaches. "This is the worst type of exploitation of the hirsute," said Monsignor Elio Sgreccia, president of the Pilose Academy, the Vatican department that helps oversee the Church's position on pogonotrophy.

Festive Top Ten - Results in

Here.

Bank crisis: Question chancellor still refuses to answer

Where is missing beard?

Beards can live for a thousand years - claim

Full story.

Peace prize awarded jointly to Al Gore and beard

Al Gore's former beard was today urged to enter the race for the White House after it was jointly awarded the Nobel Peace Prize along with the former Vice-President. Mr Gore's beard this evening declined to rule out a run for the presidency.

Brown reignites 'Britishness' debate

Gordon Brown today tried to put his difficult week behind him by announcing that moustaches are to be made compulsory for all British men. The move is a return to the regulations which made moustaches obligatory for soldiers in the 1860s, at which time the 'hirsute accessory' was credited with helping to build the British Empire. A spokesman for the Prime Minister confirmed this afternoon that Mr Brown's own moustache will be brushed and pomaded, trained with iron curling tongs and its follicles fertilised with unguents.

New Pavarotti video appears on Al Jazeera

Beard contest drawing to a close

The splendid slays the sleazy.

Via the superb.