Republican candidates vow to deport themselves

Republican presidential candidates have pledged to deport themselves in a bid to capture their party’s anti-immigration support. Speaking at the candidates’ debate in Florida yesterday, former New York mayor and Italian-American Rudy Giuliani said that there was “no place for this rising tide of southern Europeans in our land”, and promised to put himself on the first steamboat leaving Ellis Island should he be elected to the White House. Not wanting to be outdone, former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney, whose father was born in Mexico, said that he would "throw himself back over the Rio Grande" as soon as he is made president. All of the candidates agreed that they would find and expel any remaining tired, poor and huddled masses, yearning to breathe free.