George W Bush extends warm welcome to Gordon Brown at the White House

Bush endorses McCain for vice-president

President George Bush, giving his endorsement to Republican presidential nominee John McCain today, said that he is looking forward to having him help out around the White House over the next four years. "John, you've fought a good campaign," the president told the Arizona senator. "Together, we can continue to serve this great nation of ours." McCain tried to speak several times at the press conference on the White House lawn, but reporters were distracted by the president handing out "Bush-McCain in '08" badges. "Four more years!" Bush added.

White House latest victim of subprime crisis

The US government's executive branch was without offices on Monday, after the Providence Lending Corporation repossessed the White House because of late mortgage repayments. Surrounded by document boxes and fax machines on the pavement of Pennsylvania Avenue, President George Bush vowed to introduce legislation in Congress granting financial relief to casualties of the subprime mortgage crisis, or to borrow some money off of Canada or Mexico. The president then asked if anyone knew where the nearest Starbucks was, and if his laptop computer would get "free internets".

Bush pardons Thanksgiving turkeys, expects return favour

In a traditional Thanksgiving ceremony at the White House this week, US president George Bush granted pardons for two turkeys, named May and Flower. In return, the president said he expects their full support in case any unspecified “legal difficulties”, as he put it, should arise after his term ends. “These two fine American birds embody fine American values,” Bush told reporters. “I hope they will understand the core American value of ‘I scratch your back, you scratch mine’.” The president added that he would be putting May and Flower forward as nominees to join the Supreme Court early next year.

Bush defends toady

US president George Bush has come out in support of attorney general nominee Michael Mukasey, as he faces pressure over his views on the constitutionality of coronation. "It's an unfair question," President Bush told reporters from a large chair on a raised platform in the Oval Office. "Michael Mukasey is a fine and loyal subject, but the Senate Judiciary Committee is asking him to comment on issues on which he has not been briefed. Off with their heads." Mukasey has over 20 years' experience hitting people with a balloon on a stick.

Godfather IV in production

Starring the three stooges.

Cappello: Renoir

Bush to cancel 2008 election - Sources

Reports are emerging that President George W Bush is planning an audacious move to prolong his presidency by cancelling the election scheduled for November 2008. Author Harvey Wasserman says it's time to think the unthinkable. "It's extremely likely in my view that this administration will strike Iran from the air, declare a national emergency, and cancel the '08 elections," Wasserman said yesterday. "Bush is just like Hitler. It will be a fourth Reich. There is a medium probability that the Bush/Cheney/Rove gang will stage a dictatorial coup. They've done it before. They've certainly thought about doing it before. Cheney's mentor, President Nixon would have definitely cancelled the 1976 presidential election if he hadn't resigned first. It's not out of the question. These neo-cons can do anything they want. At the very least we cannot ignore the possibility. Look, it's sort of speculative," he added.

Leader of the free world eschews jokey photo op in favour of a serious and sober appraisal of the world's problems with Britain's new Prime Minister

Numerologists more evil than previously thought

Numerologists, satanists, the Illuminati, and those who have April as their favourite month are closer than ever to establishing a New World Order according to a report. Meanwhile members of the public have been warned not to approach anyone expressing an interest in multiples of the number eleven.