Democrats stealing election with underage voters, spousal intimidation

Obama infomercial backfires as Marxist terrorist elite vote collapses

Latest opinion polls suggest that support for Senator Barack Obama amongst the Marxist terrorist elite has halved in recent days. The findings come just days after Obama's 'Infomercial' aired on CBS, NBC and Fox. One Marxist terrorist elitist, who did not wish to be named, says he was disappointed in the broadcast which featured ordinary Americans talking about their economic struggles. "I won't be voting on Tuesday, I'll just be having a normal day, sipping latte and eating sushi," says the Northern Virginian professor. "Damn you America," he adds.

Republicans put faith in "John Frum" McCain

Trailing by large margins in US national polls, Republicans are hoping for the miraculous return of a presidential candidate known to them as "John Frum" McCain. Activists say Frum-McCain, who bears striking similarities to saviour figures in 20th century Pacific Island cargo cults, will return one day bringing winning vote margins and financial aid. "John Frum 'im go come wi' lotsa cargo," says North Carolina Republican party chairman Linda Daves. Frum-McCain supporters are known for fanaticism, often scarring their faces, or spending huge amounts of money on ceremonial vestments to prove their devotion. Critics say there have been very few sightings of John Frum-McCain in states the Republicans need to win, and that party officials are being unrealistic about their election hopes. But avid Republicans refuse to accept the evidence of the polls. "'E tall man. 'E live 'long South America," says Daves.

Anti-Americans: 'We weren't going to vote for you anyway'

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US presidential debate highlights: McCain lands a few punches

Bill Clinton campaigns hard for Obama

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McCain: "My friends, we’ve got them just where we want them"

Props to The Jed Report.

McCain/Palin rally: Latest picture

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John McCain: The horror! The horror!

Via C&L

"Lipstick on a pig" comment provokes fury

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Karen Walker leaves Will & Grace to run for Vice President

Permanently drunk, pill-popping, sharp-tongued floozy Karen Walker appears to be running for US Vice President. Electors are expecting tax breaks on uppers, downers and vodka. Her opinion on the South Ossetia conflict is not known.

Six thousand years ago, in a galaxy far, far away....

The Force is strong with this one.

McCain/Palin ticket - Latest picture

Chapeau.

McCain's Vice President short-list - details

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McCain chooses presidential campaign song

Full story here.

Republicans urge drilling for snake oil

The US could become independent of foreign energy sources almost immediately if companies are allowed to drill for and sell snake oil, say Republicans. "Step right up, step right up," flim-flam artist Jerome Corsi told Congress, adding that the legislative body looked like a smart young man. "How would you like to solve all your domestic energy problems through the miracle of offshore drilling? It sounds too good to be true, but it's a sure-fire thing, I tell you." Snake oil peddlers also strongly support energy sector panaceas espoused by presidential candidate John McCain. "The American consumer is suffering from a lack of unrealistic cure-all solutions," says McCain. "If we allow grifters to drill their ideas into the US consciousness, we could blind the electorate to the need for hard energy policy choices until well beyond the November election."

World's oldest joke revealed

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Barack Obama visit remains low key

Full holy story.

John Edwards endorses self for vice president

Former Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards tonight ended months of speculation in Washington by endorsing himself for vice president. Speaking to reporters, Edwards explained his decision. "I have thought long and hard and I firmly believe that by throwing support behind myself I am backing the right man for the job."

Obama denies dandruff problem

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Jay-Z