Bill Clinton campaigns hard for Obama

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"Lipstick on a pig" comment provokes fury

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McCain's Vice President short-list - details

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Clinton campaign says wait until November

Advisers for presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton say she will not withdraw from the Democratic nomination race until November at the earliest, despite a Denver party convention date in August and rival Barack Obama holding a practically unassailable lead in delegates. "Even a majority at the convention doesn't mean a nominee is chosen," campaign chairman Terry McAuliffe told reporters, before passing out a copy of Democratic convention rules that appeared to have been hastily written on a cocktail napkin. "Go on, read it. It's all there." Trouble looms for Clinton as rival Barack Obama is expected to reach a majority of pledged delegates in the Oregon and Kentucky primaries today. But the Clinton campaign says it is pinning hopes for a comeback on a previously little-known group of "super-duper" delegates, which consists of former two-term Democratic presidents. President Bill Clinton is looking forward to being vigorously courted.

Ghoulish Clinton wins big in Transylvania

(from unbiased US media reports) Hillary Clinton's presidential campaign continues to cling unnaturally onto life after scoring a major political victory in the key undead state of Transylvania, according to a cross-section of unbiased US media reports. An army of zombie voters was called from its unholy sleep to deliver a 10-point margin of victory for the New York senator, reported CNBC's Chris Matthews, leaving Barack Obama unable to deliver a heroic knock-out blow in the race for the Democratic party presidential nomination. "Far from putting a stake through her cold, inhuman heart, the spirits of the damned have given the Clinton campaign a new lease on unlife," complained a New York Times editorial. "Why won't she die?" wailed Democratic party chairman Howard Dean, while putting garlic round the windows of the Denver arena where the party national convention will be held in August. The large victory margin was confirmed by Sesame Street's Count von Count, who read out the vote tallies one-by-one.

Shock revelation over Clinton campaign co-ordinator

Commentators have been shocked to discover that Hillary Clinton's presidential campaign had a co-ordinator, after Mark Penn resigned from the role over the weekend. Penn, a freelance political strategist who has apparently been advising the Clintons since the 1990s, stepped down after it was revealed he had met the Colombian ambassador to discuss a free-trade pact that Clinton opposes. "Wow," said visibly surprised New York Times political reporter John Broder. "You mean all that lurching from crisis to crisis, and ceding a seemingly unassailable lead in the polls to Obama was planned?" "You know, you see a campaign reacting to headlines and making gaffe after gaffe without any semblance of purpose," added Wall Street Journal reporter Jackie Calmes. "I guess I was just unaware it was co-ordinated at all." Penn refused to comment on the resignation, but said that his next venture will be co-ordinating alcoholic drinking strategies at US breweries.

McCain calls on Obama, Clinton to concede bitter election contest

Presumptive Republican presidential nominee John McCain is calling for Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton to heal the divisions within their party and the country by stepping down in their bids to secure the Democratic nomination. "A once-proud Democratic party is demeaning itself through this protracted and bitter nomination process," McCain told reporters on the campaign trail in Florida. "For the sake of dignity in politics and unity throughout our great nation, Barack and Hillary should do the decent thing and concede the race." McCain added that he would rather stand unopposed in the November run-off than see further division damage the Democrats' election chances.

Clinton unveils new campaign team

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Hillary goes on attack with 3am phone call ad.

"It's 3am and your cows are asleep," the voice over says. "There's a phone in the White House, and it's ringing. Something is happening in the world. Your vote will decide who milks the cows."

Clintons replace campaign manager after image change backfires

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Democrats battle for fixed-grin supremacy

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Hillary wins New Hampshire with late surge in support from women

Special thanks to Michelle and Maureen.

Pundits furious as US voters get it wrong again

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Swift Boat Veterans attack Hillary’s Vietnam record

US pressure group Swift Boat Veterans for Truth has criticised Senator Hillary Clinton for her lack of front-line combat duty in the Vietnam war. “Where was Hillary at Khe San? Where was Hillary at Da Nang?” said spokesman John O'Neill. Swift Boats was formed to fight Democratic candidate John Kerry’s military record during the 2004 presidential race, but was criticised for being a partisan lobby with ties to President Bush's re-election campaign. The group has yet to comment on the Vietnam war experiences of leading Republican candidates Mitt Romney and Rudy Giuliani.

USA special report: Is the nation ready for a President in a dress?

Voters across America are reconciling themselves to the possibility of electing a commander-in-chief who wears make-up and a dress. "On the plus side, we are talking about a candidate from New York," says Tennessee resident Jason Clayborne. "They've got Macy's and Bloomingdales, and all that fancy finery and whatnot. Least we won't get shown up at the heads-of-state summits." Hillary Clinton has vowed to remain in pantsuits for the rest of the campaign.