Queen in shock Rushdie beheading

The furore surrounding the knighthood awarded to Salman Rushdie took a shocking turn today at an early private investiture at Buckingham Palace. Stung by criticisms at home and abroad that the award was insensitive to Muslims, Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II decided to take matters into her own hands and restore Britain's honour.
With Rushdie kneeling on the knighting-stool in front of the Queen, equerries and ladies-in-waiting watched stunned as Her Majesty sliced Rushdie's head off his shoulders with her ceremonial sword, screaming, "God is great! Death to apostates!" The Queen then ordered a video of the execution to be sent to Al Jazeera.
Pakistan's Religious Affairs minister, who previously warned of suicide bombings following the award, said in response to the execution, "A woman beheading an apostate? Blasphemy! Boy, are you going to be sorry now."