Wes Montgomery - Round Midnight
Monty!
Thursday, 20 August 2009
David Cameron distances himself from 'maverick' Tory party
Conservative leader David Cameron has moved swiftly to put distance between himself and the Tory party, which he described today as having 'some quite eccentric views.' This week Mr Cameron rebuked MEP Dan Hannan over his criticism of the NHS. Yesterday Mr Cameron moved to squash plans put forward by a Tory council to subsidise the fees of children attending private schools if their parents lose their jobs. Meanwhile former cabinet minister Norman Tebbit has been critical of Mr Cameron for driving away the party’s traditional voters. Mr Cameron has also reprimanded shadow cabinet member Alan Duncan as well as backbenchers Douglas Hogg and Sir Patrick Cormack over MPs' pay. A spokesman confirmed today that Mr Cameron had disowned the Tory party altogether. "These are the views of a maverick party, not of David Cameron," he said.
Monday, 17 August 2009
Friday, 14 August 2009
Thursday, 13 August 2009
Wednesday, 12 August 2009
Tuesday, 11 August 2009
Er, yeah.
Wednesday, 5 August 2009
Thursday, 23 July 2009
Monday, 20 July 2009
Thursday, 16 July 2009
Moon landings hoax: New evidence emerges
As the 40th anniversary approaches, new evidence has emerged that the moon landings were an elaborate hoax. Analysis of the television programme Lunar Jim, which chronicles the moon life of astronaut Jim and his team – Robot Dog Rover, Ripple, Eco, and T.E.D. the Technical Equipment Device - suggests that the images apparently being beamed back to earth are staged, probably in the Nevada desert. Bill Kaysing, for many years a leading hoax theorist, says that Lunar Jim is yet more NASA funded propaganda. "If you look carefully you can see that Jim's flag flutters in a breeze - yet there is no air on the moon at all! Plus you couldn't have that cow and that chicken just walking around on the moon like that." A tight lipped CBeebies spokesman would confirm only that Lunar Jim is intended as "a children's cartoon."
Monday, 13 July 2009
Friday, 10 July 2009
PervertFriday, 3 July 2009
Thursday, 2 July 2009
Wednesday, 1 July 2009
Friday, 26 June 2009
Thursday, 25 June 2009
Republicans shocked by faithfulness revelations
At a tearful press conference, Indiana's Republican governor Mitch Daniels admitted that he has not been unfaithful to his wife, potentially scuppering his hopes of a run at the presidency in 2012. With a promising career in tatters, Daniels begged forgiveness of his family and party.
"I take strength from God, my daughters and my loving wife," Daniels said. "And I hope my fellow Republicans can forgive me for this shameful episode of not doing anything to be ashamed of."
The Republican party, long a bastion for white men that privately indulge in extra-marital affairs, prescription drug abuse, racism and approaches to underage boys while preaching strong family values, has been rocked by the revelations of a lack of revelations.
"It's a sad day for the party," Republican National Committee chairman Michael Steele says. "You think you can trust a fellow GOP man to go behind the back of everyone close to him and still advocate hypocritically for biblical moral values. But I guess there's always a few non-rotten apples in every barrel."
Friday, 19 June 2009
Fundamentalists Vs Wondermentalists
Khamenei says we are the evil enemy . So we play him the only song we know that references Iran.
Thursday, 18 June 2009
Tuesday, 16 June 2009
Friday, 12 June 2009
Thursday, 11 June 2009
Tuesday, 9 June 2009
'Gördondämmerung' goes on and on
Opera fans are flocking to a rare performance of Richard Wagner's "Gördondämmerung" at the Westminster Opera House of Commons. One of the composer's lesser-known works, the piece is the last in the epic four-opera cycle "Der Ring des Nr. 10 Downing Straße" and recounts the legend of the hero Brownhilde, whose quest for power ends in the fiery drawn-out death of his party's popularity. The current performance, which is proving to be one of the longest in the world of opera, includes the arias "O, diese expensen!", "Keine Rheinmaiden lieben mich", and the show-stopping "Verdammte europäische electionen". The saga is expected to end in Brownhilde's defeat at the apocalyptic battle of Generalelectionarok next year.
'BRAINS....BRAINS....!'Friday, 5 June 2009
Cabinet shock as no one resigns for over an hour
There was further confusion in Westminster tonight after no one at all resigned from the cabinet for more than an hour. Prime Minister Gordon Brown insisted he would not be forced out of office by the shock development, described by a spokesman as more evidence of a Blairite plot to destabilise the PM's position.
Thursday, 4 June 2009
New rumours pile pressure on PM
Downing Street has moved quickly to dismiss rumours that a rumour was about to be circulated relating to something that someone heard about something or other. "The suggestion that somebody said something about something that someone said but later denied is completely untrue as far as we know," said a spokesman. Cabinet ministers are said to be furious about an off the record briefing about who was briefing journalists about a previous briefing which turned out to be either true or false, doesn't matter. Meanwhile the BBC has confirmed as true rumours that recent events at Westminster have given Nick Robinson a chronic and painful erection.
Wednesday, 3 June 2009
Horror in Browntown
Reports are filtering out from Browntown of a horrifying mass-suicide. Browntown, the informal name for the Government of the United Kingdom, is named after the co-founder of the New Labour cult, Gordon Brown. Followers of Brown, known as Ministers, are reportedly committing suicide as part of a bizarre ritual known as "reshuffling". Details of the ritual are sketchy, but it is believed that Brown intends to cast some of his followers out of the cult, and to elevate preferred acolytes, in an attempt to propitiate their god, Gallup-Mori. Some Ministers who are to be cast out into the wilderness (the "back of the benches", in cult lore) have chosen self-immolation instead, with one case reported of seppuku, or disemboweling oneself on one's own second home.
Browntown began as a benign experiment in social democracy but conditions have recently deteriorated. Ministers have complained of intrusive media attention, an atmosphere of paranoia, and an unusual number of accountancy errors. Brown's behaviour has become increasingly erratic, and some cult supporters are praying for delivery by a mythical "postman".
Sunday, 31 May 2009
Wednesday, 27 May 2009
No-good punk falls for Puerto Rican lady
Republican representative and leading member of teenage gang 'the Jets' Tom Tancredo has unexpectedly fallen in love with President Obama's nominee for the US supreme court, Puerto Rican-American judge Sonia Sotomayor. Tancredo, until now a strident critic of illegal immigration and who once compared Miami with the third world, risks alienating other members of his gang, who have been reluctantly ceding control of the west side of Congress to the rival Democratic 'Sharks' gang since 2006. "Sonia. I just met a girl called Sonia," he says. "And suddenly that name will never be the same to me."
Tancredo's Republican Senate colleague Mick Huckabee, who plans to challenge Democrats to a rumble at the congressional dance later tonight, is gonna bust his head when he hears about Tancredo's fixation on Sotomayor, who he mistakenly called Maria. "When you're a Jet, you're a Jet all the way," says Huckabee. "From your first cigarette to your last dying day."
Republican Representatives are joining in the debate by approaching Democratic counterparts while crouching and snapping their fingers.
Friday, 22 May 2009
Boo-fucking-hoo Desk
Tory MP Nadine Dorries, pictured, says the Daily Telegraph's investigation into MPs' expenses amounts to a form of torture.
Tuesday, 19 May 2009
'Anti-Sleaze' party to contest next election
A party led by Neil and Christine Hamilton is to field candidates at the next general election on an anti-sleaze platform in protest at the scandal over MPs' expenses. Neil Hamilton, flanked by David Mellor and Jonathan Aitken as he launched the campaign, spoke to reporters today. "We need to clean up Parliament and return it to the good old days of cash bribes in brown paper bags," he said. "That Esther Rantzen is a bloody crook too," he added.
Saturday, 16 May 2009
Wednesday, 13 May 2009
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