Republicans urge drilling for snake oil

The US could become independent of foreign energy sources almost immediately if companies are allowed to drill for and sell snake oil, say Republicans. "Step right up, step right up," flim-flam artist Jerome Corsi told Congress, adding that the legislative body looked like a smart young man. "How would you like to solve all your domestic energy problems through the miracle of offshore drilling? It sounds too good to be true, but it's a sure-fire thing, I tell you." Snake oil peddlers also strongly support energy sector panaceas espoused by presidential candidate John McCain. "The American consumer is suffering from a lack of unrealistic cure-all solutions," says McCain. "If we allow grifters to drill their ideas into the US consciousness, we could blind the electorate to the need for hard energy policy choices until well beyond the November election."

Oil consumers disappointed by Opec decision

Opec has decided to keep oil output levels stable this winter, despite calls for more production from leading consumer advocate Lord Humungus of the Wasteland. "Leave the oil tanker. Just walk away, and I'll spare your lives," Lord Humungus told Opec ministers, who have largely been confined to a small compound by Mohican-sporting consumer groups on motorbikes. Opec may review its decision in February, although former police officer Mad Max has agreed to find a more immediate solution to the impasse in exchange for a cannister of gasoline.