Friends fear no end in sight to insufferable literary chat

Friends of 'novelist' Leonard Oswald are fearful that evenings out will continue to be ruined by his dreary book talk. "We can't go five minutes without him launching into his monologue on The Great American Novel and why British writers are so useless. I must have heard it a hundred times. It's Philip Roth this, John Updike that," says pal Stu Jackson. "If he's not going on about The Great Gatsby it's Moby Dick or something." Another friend was equally scornful. "A few years ago the bloke wrote a book which was never published," says drinking partner Rory Browne, "And ever since he's been going to parties telling girls he's a novelist just to try to get off with them. It's pathetic." But shop manager Oswald, who is single, has hit back. "I wrote a novel didn't I?" he says, "So it's not like I'm actually lying. And anyway, my book was much better than that rubbish Ian McEwan comes out with," he added.