Flood rescue package condemned as inadequate

The response to regional flooding has come under fire from animal leaders after the latest package of aid measures was announced. A controversial 'two by two' scheme, to be administered by Noah, recently appointed as part of God's inclusive 'Creation of all the talents', has been condemned as 'insulting' by victims of the flooding. "Just because this has all happened up here in Hull and Sheffield we are supposed to be grateful," said one angry canine. "But if this had happened in Westminster or Canterbury you can be sure that every pair of animals would have had their own bloody Ark, and a lifetime's supply of Pedigree Chum on top of that."