Entire Beijing Olympics faked

The 2008 Beijing Olympics are a complete fabrication and were shot on a secret movie set with trained Hollywood actors. The sporting fakery is far more extensive than previously thought, and goes beyond discoveries that the opening ceremony included computer-generated fireworks and a 9-year old singer who mimed to a recording. "First off, the Birds Nest stadium looks just like that lot in Nevada where they shot the moon landings," says National Enquirer editor David Perel. "And now the UK is winning gold medals in athletic events that aren't also upper class hobbies? No, sir. I don't buy it." London 2012 Olympic committee chairman Sebastian Coe pledges that there will be no such attempts at massive misrepresentation when the games come to the UK. "We got all that out of our system when the funding bids were submitted."