The fact that I was an absolutely gorgeous woman who marched up to Mr Mandelson gave me a head start when it came to throwing mock green slime - not real green slime, that is a patriarchal concept - in his face. Here was a well-dressed, dare I say absolutely gorgeous, state school, middle class woman confronting the unelected OverLord patriarch Mandelson and, yes, questioning his right to take a political platform on climate change by throwing an intensely feminist mixture of flour, water and food dye in his great fat patriarchal face, the big bullying man. I for one didn't give him any simpering compliments like most women probably would if they weren't being oppressed by patriarchal climate change much more than men who started climate change anyway, the patriarchs. It's down to absolutely gorgeous women like me to sort this problem out. So if another patriarchal newspaper asks me about being absolutely gorgeous, which I am, then I will absolutely scream until I am sick, but I will put up with it, because the only way we can change things in this undemocratic patriarchal society is with gunge and slime and custard. Do you like my shoes?