MP issues statement

I'm absolutely outraged that I used my second home allowance to buy a 40 ft yacht. I was astonished to find myself claiming for ball girls and cocktails which are absolutely necessary to allow me to function as an MP in my far flung constituency in the heart of London and back down in Westminster but which are also symptomatic of a failure of all of us, of Parliament, and a failure of the system. I'm disgusted to find that I claimed £100,000 in mortgage interest payments on the second home of my polo ponies, although to be fair everyone was at it and anyway do you have any idea how much I would be earning in the City, well, would have been earning if I could have got a job which I couldn't and anyway there are none left. It is utterly unacceptable that this rotten SYSTEM allowed me to flip my houses so fast and so profitably that frankly I've been munching on big golden Quarter Pounders for the last few years. We have to change THE SYSTEM root and branch for the sake of the people of Britain, who are hurting, sitting in their one houses, with their no jobs. And to draw attention to my family wealth is neither here nor there, I mean, do you have any idea how much it costs to dredge a moat? It's not good enough and I'm as appalled as you are at my ooh, look, a squirrel!