No-good punk falls for Puerto Rican lady

Republican representative and leading member of teenage gang 'the Jets' Tom Tancredo has unexpectedly fallen in love with President Obama's nominee for the US supreme court, Puerto Rican-American judge Sonia Sotomayor. Tancredo, until now a strident critic of illegal immigration and who once compared Miami with the third world, risks alienating other members of his gang, who have been reluctantly ceding control of the west side of Congress to the rival Democratic 'Sharks' gang since 2006. "Sonia. I just met a girl called Sonia," he says. "And suddenly that name will never be the same to me."

Tancredo's Republican Senate colleague Mick Huckabee, who plans to challenge Democrats to a rumble at the congressional dance later tonight, is gonna bust his head when he hears about Tancredo's fixation on Sotomayor, who he mistakenly called Maria. "When you're a Jet, you're a Jet all the way," says Huckabee. "From your first cigarette to your last dying day."

Republican Representatives are joining in the debate by approaching Democratic counterparts while crouching and snapping their fingers.