Conspiracy Vault: Emmerdale plane crash - Jews “had prior warning”

More than a dozen Jewish farm workers stayed at home as a plane crashed into the sleepy Yorkshire village of Emmerdale in 1993, according to a new film released today. The 70 minute film, 'Emmerdale – the Israeli Connection', alleges that the workers had been tipped off by Israel's intelligence agency Mossad, and did not appear for work on the day of the horrific crash in which many villagers were killed or injured. One contributor to the programme says: “Is it any coincidence that some individuals made millions selling shares in kosher lamb that very day?” Meanwhile an Israeli government spokesman has dismissed the film’s claim that Israel's then prime minister Yitzhak Rabin cancelled a night out at the Woolpack only days before the attack.

Amis.

9/11 Truth Campaigner: Collapse was a controlled demolition

Former secret agent David Shayler says that the collapse of his reputation is an inside job and that footage of him claiming to be the Messiah and the reincarnation of Leonardo da Vinci and King Arthur is MI5 propaganda. "We know for certain that the official story isn't true," says Shayler. "My reputation has been brought down in a controlled demolition. Watch the footage frame by frame. The only explanation is that this was a great lump of gristle and cartilage surrounded by holograms made to look like me," he says.

Author identifies origins of clash of civilizations, simultaneously redefines irony

Historians, politicians and philosophers are this morning attempting to absorb the significance of Tony Parsons' pronouncements on the Rushdie affair. Deconstructionist Professor Jack Moynihan said, "This is important work by an important thinker. Not only does Parsons identify The Satanic Verses as the 'opening shot' in the events that led to 9/11 and 7/7, he takes irony to undreamed of levels by criticising Rushdie's literary merit. There are so many layers to this it could take decades to unravel."

Tributes paid to offensive comedian

Truth Campaigners are this afternoon paying tribute to Michael Moore who, moments after casting doubt on the official version of the events of 9/11, was sadly declared still alive, aged 53.

In other news, an idiot defends Bernard Manning.

Spending increase boosts economy

Spending by credulous idiots has quadrupled over the last year, the treasury has revealed. The figures have been welcomed by the government: "The news that these gullible pricks will spend their money on any old rubbish is a real boost for the economy," a spokesperson said this afternoon.

9/11: Conspiracy Behind the Conspiracy

A shocking new report reveals that the 9/11 cover-up is deeper and more profound that even the most hardened conspiracy theorists have realised. Not only were Al Qaida not responsible for the attack on the Twin Towers, NO ONE was. The report, entitled "9/11: The Conspiracy Behind the Conspiracy", makes the startling claim that there was no attack on the World Trade Centre and the Pentagon on September 11, 2001. Instead, the US Government used highly secret technology to project a giant holographic image of the destruction supposedly caused by aeroplanes crashing into the buildings. Smoke machines and loudspeakers, carefully hidden in manhole covers throughout Manhattan, completed the breathtakingly convincing display. "If you dispute that the World Trade Centre is in fact still there, you are probably in on it yourself," said the author of the report, Jason Zwengerle. David Shayler, the ex-MI5 spy who claims that the Twin Towers were hit by cruise missiles disguised as aeroplanes, is believed to be furious.