Tamiflu: Security stepped up to protect stocks

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Parliamentary Labour Party gives backing to PM

'BRAINS....BRAINS....!'

Daily Mail readers rail against licence fee, overpaid stars, lack of fresh human flesh

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PM reacts to chancellor economy warning

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Respect Party not aware of terror attacks, claims to have been under the weather

A spokesman for Respect has apologised for the failure to condemn last week's terror attacks in London and Glasgow on the party's official website, claiming that they had not been aware of the attempted bombings. "To be honest, we've all had a touch of flu," he said. Asked why party leader George Galloway has not referred to the events on his website either, the spokesman added, "George has not had time to update his site as he has been exceptionally busy admiring his new salt-and-pepper beard."

Galloway dismisses new "smear"

George Galloway last night criticised a Charity Commission report which says that the Respect MP's campaign against Iraq sanctions was bankrolled using aid diverted by Saddam Hussein’s regime and that the MP may have known about the illicit funding. "It's a complete and utter lie," said the politician's spokesman. "George treats the commission with contempt. This is just another smear campaign designed purely to prompt the publication of stupid photographs," he said.

Spending increase boosts economy

Spending by credulous idiots has quadrupled over the last year, the treasury has revealed. The figures have been welcomed by the government: "The news that these gullible pricks will spend their money on any old rubbish is a real boost for the economy," a spokesperson said this afternoon.

Blair: 10 Years Later

A new film reveals the reality of Tony Blair's Britain in the wake of the Prime Minister's announcement of his resignation. 10 Years Later shows a ravaged post-apocalyptic country laid waste by a decade of Blair. An epidemic of the "rage" virus has turned ordinary people into zombies. The few who remain uninfected flee to the protection of the US army as the undead rampage through a wasteland of higher living standards and improved public services.