Nation shocked by discovery of latest appalling family

Full appalling story, by our appalling families who are not like us and deserve whatever appalling thing they get correspondent.

"People's Politics" reveals People to be idiots

Nick Clegg's announcement that he will create a nationwide panel of families to advise him on the issues of concern to them has led to some radical rethinking of Liberal Democrat policies. Early polling suggests the key issues of concern to ordinary families across Britain include the unavailability of Nintendo DS in time for Christmas; the treatment of X-Factor's Rhydian and the proliferation of parent and child parking spaces in Asda's car park. Proportional representation and the future of Kosovo were not thought to feature in the top ten.

Garlic 'may cut tory flatulence'

Scientists believe that putting garlic in Iain Duncan Smith's food could cut the amount of gas produced by tories by up to fifty per cent. Experts tackling the impact flatulent tories have on global warming claim that the former Conservative leader, whose proposals to combat social and familial breakdown in Britain have been condemned, is responsible for about three per cent of Britain's greenhouse gases.

Fathers must take responsibility - Cameron

David Cameron yesterday told feckless fathers they must become more involved in deciding which boarding school their children should attend. In a speech in Manchester the Conservative leader said that too often important decisions about a child's future were left to the mother. "For the children's sake let there be a proper balance. It saddens me greatly that very often children are not cared for by the man and woman who brought them into the world," he said. "That’s what our society’s now come to - while absent fathers are out chasing City bonuses or goodness knows what, mothers are left at home filling out the forms for Westminster or Eton. These men must be obliged to take their responsibilities seriously."