Daily Mail in change of editorial direction shock

Credit Crunch due to last till 2010; Rain forever; Knife crime on the rise; Fuel bill crisis; but remember, while there's music and love and romance......

Garlic 'may cut tory flatulence'

Scientists believe that putting garlic in Iain Duncan Smith's food could cut the amount of gas produced by tories by up to fifty per cent. Experts tackling the impact flatulent tories have on global warming claim that the former Conservative leader, whose proposals to combat social and familial breakdown in Britain have been condemned, is responsible for about three per cent of Britain's greenhouse gases.

Majority think 'carbon footprint' must be cut

More people than ever before now believe there is an urgent need to minimise use of the phrase 'carbon footprint'. Use of the phrase, particularly in industrialised nations, is believed by scientists to have altered the chemical composition of the atmosphere through a build up of gases. A poll published today shows that a majority of the public is willing to offset the effects of the phrase by taking long-haul flights to anywhere at all as soon as possible.

Miliband: Hundred per cent cut in emissions by 2010

Environment Secretary David Miliband says latest projections suggest that the Labour government will cut emissions entirely by 2010. With the next general election three years away Mr Miliband says that Labour will easily achieve the ambitious target. "Under the leadership of Mr Brown there is no doubt in my mind that we will not be emitting any more damaging policies, Bills or Acts because we'll all be sitting on the opposition benches listening to Mr Cameron drone on." The Tories and Liberal Democrats have welcomed the proposals.