The boy stood on the burning deck, whence all but he had fled
Showing posts with label spike milligan. Show all posts
Showing posts with label spike milligan. Show all posts
Tuesday, 21 October 2008
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- Blairite bastards should stop this factionalism, say Brownites
- Heavy betting reported on timing of Pakistan match fixing denial.
- "We're all in this together". Now applies to hotel beds.
- Coulson: I know what you're all saying about me, you bastards
- Cabinet abandons plans to hold next Cabinet meeting at G.A.Y.
- Libdems and Conservatives surprisingly agree to govern 'against the national interest.'
- Clegg and Cameron to adopt Malawian baby
- Clegg: First thing Monday I'm going to, er, oh, what was that thing?
- Andy Burnham's ordinary northernness to increase 10% this week
- Bloody Sunday: Bono apologises for U2
- North Koreans celebrate glorious victory over Brazil
- Vuvuzelas: Three more arrests
- Outrage over greedy sponging Royal
- Queen invites Esther Rantzen to form new administration
- Labour voters who switched to Lib Dems "very pleased" as Thatcherites prepare to take power
- Voters of Poplar show considerable indefatigability
- Cameron to Clegg - My final offer is this: nothing.
- Joanne Cash wins overall best flounce
- Lord Ashcroft demands refund
- Tory front bench to take gap year
- David Cameron harder than Chuck Norris
- Embarrassment as snooker player accidentally wins frame
- Election: Guardian endorses smug moral high ground
- Gillian Duffy front door becomes key marginal
- Brown battles to turn off bigot spigot
- Angry bigots abandon Brown
- Nick Clegg: I won't work with Peppa Pig
- Clegg: I'm ever so excited
- Angry nutters abandon Clegg
- Clegg in foreign incest dungeon shock - Daily Mail
- Misguided grammarians predict hanged parliament
- Lord Mandelson unmasked as Hephaestus, god of the volcano
- Sunday Times nearly as popular as Der Sturmer
- Plane spotters face redundancy as crisis continues
- Chiropractors cannot cure idiocy, Court rules
- Is Obama America's Clegg? Special report
- Nick Clegg to spend the next week training in altitude tent
- Police chiefs demand panic button to be installed on Chris Grayling's forehead
- Continent cut off, nips out for sneaky fag
- Pope eyes up legal aid after Dawkins arrest threat
- Labour unveil Five-Year Plan
- Heavy drinking wife beaters welcome Tory marriage tax break proposals
- Messi to assume Papacy
- Confusion as spoofers accidentally spoof spoof poster
- Tiger Woods' cock admits taking performance enhancing drugs
- Vatican calls for an end to gossip, buggery
- Pope Benedict: Oh? That?
- Chancellor forecasts 75% increase in number of Wurzels clips on TV
- Joe Biden: 'Yes! Kiss my arse!'
- David Cameron disappointed at leak of pictures of Samantha looking quite fit
- Republicans' angry-o-meter goes to 11
- Cameron squeezes one out in time for election
- Brown told today is a good day to bury those who plotted against you
- BA deny hiring replacement Charlie Whelans
- Sam Mendes to Kate Winslet: "Gather" your stuff and get out
- Jack Straw announces plans to abolish MumsNet
- Dangerous dogs to be chipped, deep-fried
- BBC to increase news about BBC by 50%
- Ethiopian rebels: Give us yer fockin' money
- Shares in donkey jackets fall
- Jacob Zuma to take Queen for next wife
- Blair: Oh fuck it
- Gus O'Donnell: I - ow! - never spoke to - you're HURTING me - the Prime Minist - oooww - about bullying. There. Happy now? Sob.
- Gordon brown: Anyone who says I am a bully will get a thump
- Winter Olympics: Team GB take bronze in Massive Snowball Fight and Pile On event
- Tiger Woods to make televised appeal for more chicks
- Olympic chiefs confident of snow for London 2012
- Teenage pregnancies: It's back to Eton for Tory statisticians
- Vernon Kay, Ashley Cole regret taking up free unlimited texts offer
- Met vows to continue fitting up innocent Londoners despite Ali Dizaei setback
- Elvis stranded as Obama cancels moon mission
- England captain John Terry too busy having it off to consider resignation
- Cameron orders Osborne to stop defacing his posters
- Martin Amis' original teeth to feature in new autobiographical novel
- John Terry stripped of Dad of the Year gong; title awarded to runner-up Tiger Woods
- Protestors still pleased with 'Bliar' jibe
- Lord Goldsmith: War was illegal right up to the moment it was legal
- George Monbiot more of a dick than previously thought
- UK election threat level raised to 'severe'
- Brangelina split: Couple to get joint custody of Asia
- John Edwards to make comeback at US PGA
- Tiger Woods' cock to confess all on Oprah
- Guardian admits wanting to shag Damon Albarn
- More anger expected next week
- Democrats fuck it up in record time
- Poor children just need lots and lots of cuddles says multi-millionaire David Cameron
- Cricket: Onions brings tears of joy to headline writers
- BBC admits U2 are shit
- Oliver Stone is "scapegoat" for Alexander
- Fury as George Galloway deported back to UK
- Big freeze: Fears grow for ex-cabinet ministers
- Close result expected in Iceland referendum on whether to repay billions
- James Corden: three more arrests
- Griffin: Stop being racist against fascists
- Celebrity fails to get into late night punch-up
- Ashes: South Africa on verge of victory
- Jack Tweed: Orgies help me get over whatsername
- Mark Lester: Do you remember me? I was in Oliver! O-L-I-V-E-R-!
- Cricket: Relief as England turn out to be shit after all
- Nick Clegg: Do you want to see my cock?
- Newly freed Ronnie Biggs "just looking" at train schedules
- Swine flu website crashes after 9 million hits an hour from journalists
- Swine flu: Pregnant women advised to avoid Andy Burnham
- Swine flu: Enjoy your last moments says government advisor
- Baron Cohen already planning next umlaut
- Cameron apologises to gays, straights
- Wimbledon: Scottish bloke through, name escapes me
- Wimbledon: Henmania reaches fever pitch
- Griffin: Stop being racist against fascists
- Most of Michael Jackson dead - Reports
- Boost for ink industry as MPs' expenses published
- MPs go redact themselves
- Polly Toynbee appointed to Iran's Guardian Council
- Caroline Flint: Gordon Brown questioned my loyalty, the fucking bastard
- Boost for egg trade as BNP takes seats in Euro election
- Davina McCall appointed housing czar
- Turns out Gordon Brown had Presbyterian upbringing
- Jacqui Smith quits to spend more time with family's porn collection
- Queen 'totally fucked off' with Britain's Got Talent result
- Cameron calls for radical redistribution of platitudes
- Sleaze: Ducks to have bills scrutinized
- Errant Tory MPs to be exiled to Duck Island
- Douglas Hogg quits to spend more time with his moat
- MP calls on Speaker Martin to resign for allowing him to claim for non-existent mortgage
- Man Utd on the brink of being even more annoying
- Cameron orders review of second swimming pool allowance
- Tory pledge: only MPs who already have a second home welcome on the front bench
- Blears: You pay capital gains tax if you want to
- Illuminati admit fixing Chelsea-Barcelona tie
- Journalists horrified at expense claims
- Cricket: Onions brings tears of joy to headline writers
- Cleaner 'very embarrassed' at link with PM
- Joey Barton to replace Damian McBride at No10
- Congress agrees to extend Obama's first 100 days by four weeks
- Fears that Man Flu may transfer to animal kingdom
- Bird flu really pissed off; sacks agent
- Woman plucks eyebrows
- Government to scrap Greek mythology
- Pip squeaks as Cameron replies to Budget
- Cheney's had enough of this shit
- David Cameron demands personal apology from whoever gave him VD
- Tory smears: Dale, Fawkes sporting proud erections
- Steven Gerrard's acquittal adjourned to July
- Protocol breached as Obama gooses Prince Philip
- Newcastle appoint fourth Messiah since beginning of season
- Anti-Twitter protest turns violent
- Jacqui Smith's husband: Films were rubbish anyway, you couldn't see anything
- Bankers secretly aroused by G20 riot threat
- Jade to be given state funeral
- Fritzl offers to spend life sentence in own dungeon
- IMF warns that Robert Peston could drag on into next year
- Irish not planning to go overboard for St Patrick's Day
- James Corden: three more arrests
- Clifford: Jade has only seconds to live
- Not enough being written about Julie Myerson and her stupid fucking book - Report
- Retro IRA claims responsibility for Northern Ireland murders
- Gerry Adams: Shooting people is...Umm...No wait, I know this one...
- Lib Dems still plugging away, bless 'em
- Mandelson: Don't make me angry, you wouldn't like me when I'm angry
- Nation shocked as disqualified University Challenge winners allowed to keep generous pensions
- Demands for 'Fred The Shred' to give up pension, knighthood, nickname
- Parents complain to BBC that Jeremy Clarkson is scaring children
- Gail Trimble wins game of Connect Four in three moves
- Manchester City to sign Gail Trimble
- Jade Goody wedding: Consummation expected to attract record audience
- Actors demand British Oscars for British Thesps
- Geert Wilders' bouffant refused entry into UK
- More anger expected next week
- Obama successfully implementing meekly-getting-shafted-by-Republicans election platform
- Relief for rest of UK as London snow thaws
- Jade Goody's cancer sacks Max Clifford
- Britain destroyed by snow
- Recession: Dog food factory calls in Official Retriever
- First openly blind cabinet minister to remarry
- Stop The War Coalition determined to keep shoe industry alive
- Obama to take oath again this time with Bible, gun
- Obama baritone sworn in, moves into White House
- Jewish birds warned in advance to avoid LaGuardia
- Miracle on The Hudson: Truthers claim there was no plane
- Heroic landing, pilot’s name, stretch credulity
- New York: runways are for pussies
- Lucy Pinder nudges ahead of Osborne in Tory pecking order
- Corner grocers to be renamed "Harry shops"
- Obama books Prince Harry for inauguration speech
- Prince Harry in 'offensive institution' row
- Markets rally as Clegg reshuffles Lib Dem front bench
- Porn barons demand $5bn bailout, more tissues
- Kevin Pietersen quits to spend more time with his jewellery
- Pound now worth 50p
- Quantum mechanics: three more arrests
- UK sold to private equity firm
- Npower fined £1.8m for misspelling
- Footballer arrested over suspiciously low hairline
- Throwing of shoes a grave insult in Arab culture, but sign of admiration elsewhere
- Jeff Buckley fans top self-regarding piety chart
- McCartney: I was John Lennon
- Tariq Ali: pomaded ponce?
- Iraq hopeful that shoe-throwing will debut at 2012 Olympics
- Sports Personality of the Year: Surprise as Chris Hoy's thighs take crown
- Sports Personality of the Year: Lewis Hamilton's tax advisor takes runners-up spot
- Deformed dogs to boycott BBC
- Blagojevich insists money would have gone to orphanage: "We're on a mission from Gahd."
- James Purnell: Gurning is the best route out of poverty
- Coldplay sued for plagiarism, being twats
- Bank of England inaugurates new Lack-of-Interest Rate
- Sunderland in urgent talks with Roy Keane's beard
- Saxby Chambliss’s US Senate victory just “weird name one-upmanship” claim Steny Hoyer, Arlen Specter, Evan Bayh
- Damian Green affair: David Davis sporting proud erection
- Damian Green affair: Bloggers retain sense of perspective; in other news: Gordon Brown now combination of Mugabe, Hitler, Satan
- Shadow cabinet will be made to wear high-visibility vests from next week
- Woolworths goes bust: panic scenes at the pick & mix
- Lansley: Recession would be good for country, Tories
- Labour u-turn as duty on improbably dark eyebrows is slashed
- Fury as wintry weather hits UK
- UN threaten sanctions in John Sergeant row
- Leaked list reveals wide range of fascists in BNP
- Nicola McLean's breasts emerge as favourite to win I'm A Celebrity
- David Cameron: Cheap soundbites are for life, not just for Christmas
- Quantum mechanics: three more arrests
- Cameron, Brown clash over the extent to which baby murder should be avoided
- David Lammy: Did I ever tell you about the time I met Barack Obama?
- Clegg: Britain's Obama?
- Referee under fire after punch-up at Church of the Holy Sepulchre
- Left prepares response to Obama failures
- SNP: No we can't
- Nader demands a recount
- Alaskan moose shares plummet
- Obama victory: Republicans to initiate impeachment proceedings first thing Monday
- Democrats stock up on champagne, cyanide pills
- US Election: Thomas E. Dewey confident of victory
- McCain suspends campaign to deal with Brand, Ross crisis
- Terry Wogan sacked by BBC after lewd driving gloves prank
- Confusion as M&S shopper sent to Switzerland to die
- Republicans respond to Obama ad with 120-hour pre-election slot on Fox News
- Ross and Brand sacked for being utterly tiresome
- Economists upgrade investment ratings on animal skins, flint axes, fire
- Geir Haarde holed up in Tora Bora as SAS close in
- Austria shocked to learn that Jörg Haider was secret fascist
- Joey Barton "wants to be a role model"; Peter Mandelson wants to train as a Relate counsellor
- Fayed denies fugging girl
- Peter Mandelson: 'This is more like it'
- McCain also supported by Joe le taxi
- Long Slow Comfortable Screw Against the Wall couple cancel Dubai trip
- Sharp fall in Kabbalah share price
- US sees UK's £37bn and raises $250bn
- PM orders troops into Hamleys
- Brown's threat to freeze assets leaves Iceland unmoved
- Economy: Mattress sales go through roof
- Spectators gather as Björk's assets are frozen
- Economy "fucked", says Le Bon
- Robert Peston to inject £50 billion into economy
- Robert Peston tipped as next Doctor Who
- Lloyds TSB to take over Iceland
- Mandelson "grateful" for opportunity to resign from cabinet a third time
- Cameron: Poor children must learn to spell hereditary privilege correctly
- Palin considers dropping McCain as running mate
- Tories to scrap all sorts of things, details to follow
- Workers to take control of means of production 9am Monday
- Financial crisis hits political podium manufacturing industry
- Palin: 'I been just about all over Alaska'
- Money to run out tomorrow
- Democrats are sexist say Misogyny Party
- Universe to continue in new dimension
- Sexy Librarian Association angered by Sarah Palin comparison
- Man-made black hole to swallow Gordon Brown
- Sarah Palin dismisses moose-burger rumours
- Man City to bid for Bill Gates as new steward
- GOP worried about Hurricane Gustav, election
- Chris Hoy's thighs to open London 2012
- Mandelson returns to solve mortgage crisis
- F.A. delighted with seamless transition to Capello regime
- Putin refuses to add "Simon Says" to troop withdrawal order
- President resigns due to violation of constitution claims, US surprised
- Rest of UK wants devolution for Edinburgh Festival
- Fury as conditions in Basra continue to improve
- East, west Ossetians feeling left out
- A-levels: Record number of newspaper pictures of attractive female students
- John Edwards: 'It's ok, she only had a bit of cancer at the time'
- Ronaldo pledges loyalty to Man Utd's money
- Guardian admits wanting to shag Damon Albarn
- US Global War on Chauffeurs claims first victim
- Official figures confirm Martin Bashir is an arsehole
- Brown will either go or stay within weeks, agree political commentators
- Police carry out controlled explosion on Nick Robinson
- Tom Watson resigns from Government, demands Brown exit
- Giles Coren: 'Ich bin ein Berliner'
- Karadzic's beard released without charge
- Heath Ledger great now dead
- Sales of Joker merchandise great now Heath Ledger dead
- First New Yorker cover not going so well for Danish cartoonist
- Knife thugs will be forced to meet Jacqui Smith
- David Cameron: 'Give me one good reason why you can't just move to Notting Hill, you fat bastards'
- Nazis angrily deny Mosley claims
- Bob Geldof's tailor detained for 42 days
- Colombian rebels tricked into adopting amusing name
- Go West hanged 1,000 times in tragic Mugabe statement mix-up
- Nelson Mandela: 'I wish Annie Lennox wasn't playing, she's shit'
- Shami Chakrabarti demands Wimbledon wild card
- Steve Rider's hair signs new contract with ITV
- Brown: 42 is a number I have pulled out of my arse
- Quantum mechanics: three more arrests
- British voters 'in the bath', will ring Brown straight back
- Mars probe finds Brown not popular there either
- George Monbiot attempts citizen's arrest on John Bolton's moustache
- Brown faces leadership challenge over Eurovision fiasco
- Police carry out controlled explosion on John Humphreys
- Diana Inquest: We agree with verdict say relieved Illuminati
- Hillary to run against Gordon Brown; also considering trying out for Mayor of London and Britain's Got Talent.
- Mugabe lagging well behind in Zimbabwe poll
- Mugabe concedes after poll humiliation
- All football managers named Phil to be designated 'Big" from today
- £120,000 a week could ease the pain admits tearful John Terry
- Half of UK school test results still below average; Brown must take blame, say Tories
- Cherie Booth: That Tony Blair can kiss my arse, too
- Ant and Dec criticised for misleading public about their height
- Outrage as website reveals some Italians pay tax
- Memoirs: Lord Levy to invoice Blair
- Hull evacuated after John Prescott reveals battle with bulimia
- Mosley demands strict punishment from Formula One bosses
- Heston's gun surprisingly easy to pry from cold, dead fingers
- Nick Clegg: Do you want to see my cock?
- Olympic Torch to claim political asylum
- British Union of Formula One considers name change
- Irish PM Aherne: I've enough money now, so I'll be off
- Embarrassment for Ed Balls as his bulging eyes finally pop out of their sockets during Paxman interview
- Brown orders inquiry into absence of any fuck-ups in last 5 minutes
- Mugabe delays announcement of his victory
- Konnie Huq in Tibet peace talks
- Mugabe delays result of Diana inquest
- Apprentice boys' team leader "fired" after they lose controversial Terminal 5 task
- Foul stench descends on Downing Street
- Treasury to set up body to supervise FSA
- Diana verdict: Gross waste of time and money
- Global warming fears ease as Thom Yorke steps in
- David Cameron apologises for own existence
- Daily Express apologises for own existence
- Ashley Cole apologises for own existence
- Also Sprach Zarathustra shoots up charts
- New governor of New York admits sleeping with everybody
- Darling: Heavy drinkers got us into this mess in the first place
- Prostitute apologises to family over association with NY governor Eliot Spitzer
- Budget: Planned 2p rise in duty on improbably dark eyebrows postponed until October
- FA Cup to be renamed Autoglass Trophy
- Eric Hall resigns from Obama campaign after "monster, monster" gaffe
- Tories propose duty hike on alcopops; no news on Bollinger '61
- Gary Gygax fails final saving throw
- Lee Jasper resigns after leaked email exposes poor grasp of grammar
- Autoerotic Asphyxiation Society announce "different kind of" plastic bag crackdown
- Millions unhurt in earthquake
- Castro retirement speech enters third day
- Blonde woman not murdered by psychopath
- Mitty set to testify at Diana inquest
- Georgian tycoon death: anti-moustache activists questioned
- Tie-dye t-shirt industry faces global slump after Camden fire
- Heather Mills to sue remaining leg
- Tory party to hand itself in at local police station
- Neo-cons to blame for everything - report
- Mitt Romney withdraws 'for the sake of the wallet I love'
- Survey: Jack Straw really bugs a lot of people
- Robbie Williams to be crushed and used for road surfacing in China
- I love Liverpool says Ringo speaking from his Surrey mansion
- Keegan looking forward to emotional resignation
- Bill Clinton to Obama: "Your mama”
- BA pilot critical of new third runway at Heathrow
- Peter Hain takes up simple sword of truth and trusty shield of British fair play
- Bobby Fischer: it's the Jews wot done 'im in
- Tories: Our secret donations are less illegal than Labour's
- Societe Generale trader was funding Hain's deputy leadership campaign
- Iowa backs Huckabee after threats from Chuck Norris
- Rott Mimney, or whatever, wins US election
- Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
- Giuliani: Did I mention 9/11?
- Romney: Nine wives for every voter
- CBeebies abandons plans to screen Trainspotting
- Ferguson gives Man Utd players day off from orgy training
- God: I will not be voting Lib Dem at next election
- Pop group to release record not sung in exaggerated regional accent
- Tommy Sheridan swears on oath that he is not now nor has he ever been charged with perjury
- Legendary pioneer of wife beating Ike Turner dies at 76
- Elderly to be given more choice on when and where they are murdered in their own beds
- UK's super-rich: Would they like a hand with anything?
- Sudan accuses Turner Prize committee of "taking the piss"
- Iranian intelligence: US stopped having credible military deterrent in 2003
- Tommy Sheridan: I am working class and I have a cute two year old. How could you accuse me?
- Gillian Gibbons wins Turner Prize
- Cheney doctors shocked by heart discovery
- David Cameron comes out against rape, no decision yet on murder
- Emergency meeting of Cobra to discuss No.10 sandwich order
- Lib Dems publish timetable for removal of next leader
- Loss of benefit data including children's names & addresses - Father Christmas denies involvement
- Sarkozy renames brioche "freedom buns"
- McCartney-ex Heather demands William Blake retract 'Dark Satanic Mills' allegation
- Simply Red pencil in money-spinning reunion tour for 2015
- Lady Macca: My leg was abducted too
- Sharp fall in Tory party membership applications by one-legged Lithuanian lesbians
- Dumbledore is new frontrunner in Lib Dem leadership contest
- Television programme "not completely made up"
- Shadow Chancellor to change name again, this time to Garth
- Nick Robinson diagnosed with Foot and Mouth, to be culled tomorrow
- New calls for global boycott of John Pilger
- Saudis to increase production of beard dye to 11m barrels a day
- Postal workers accused of 'British practices' at Bilbao sorting office
- Cheese-lover Lewis Hamilton to move to Switzerland
- Nickname of next Lib Dem leader to be decided by One Member One Vote
- David Cameron to recite Pi to 1000 decimal places
- A-levels: Record number of newspaper pictures of attractive female students
- Strong winds forecast for Marcel Marceau funeral
- Next Bin Laden video to include director's commentary and alternate ending
- Control orders to be imposed on all school caretakers
- Jack Straw makes citizens arrest on four more cabinet members
- Michael Fish: "But the dog ate my homework"
- Mourinho "to appear to followers on the third day"
- Socks the Blue Peter cat hires top QC
- Cuddle Cat hires top QC
- Outrage and disbelief as police accuse middle class couple
- Faithful gather as Christ's face appears on Ming Campbell's scalp
- Foot and Mouth lab leak: Police suspect evil scientist bent on world domination
- Brown's first 100 days: Famine expected next Thursday
- Rest of UK wants devolution for Edinburgh Festival
- New Robin Williams movie: three more arrests
- Stocks rise in opera themed puns
- Actor "too funny" to be paedo
- May: Fat bottomed girls ate my thesis
- Ryanair to fly to Richistan from Luton
- Bowser enters Big Brother house
- Brown: five bowls of salty porridge a day for every child
- Charles Kennedy to apply for astronaut training
- Bowsers to compete in Crufts '08
- Tour de France riders "more loaded than cabinet"
- Home Office to re-classify cannabis once it has finished blazing a fat blunt
- Ming Campbell wants Bowser to be Lib Dem candidate for London Mayor
- Campbell diary: fists flew the day I ordered myself to resign
- Planet "fucked" says Le Bon
- Bin Laden's deputy receives honorary MBE; goes mental
- Health institute NICE rejects provision of heavenly virgins on NHS
- Gordon Brown to grant independence to Ed Balls
- Terror alert downgraded from "Critical" to "Run, run for your lives"
- House prices to increase exponentially says mathematician hired by Daily Express
- Huge manhunt as BBC's Alan Johnston on the loose again
- Al Qaeda condemns standards in science teaching
- Duty free flaming sambucas banned at all Scottish airports
- West End traffic wardens: we will not let terrorists destroy our way of life
- Olympic Torch to claim political asylum
- Karadzic's beard released without charge
- Fury as conditions in Basra continue to improve
- Mandelson returne to solve mortgage crisis
- UK sold to private equity firm
- Lord Ashcroft demands refund
Contributors
Politics Desk
- Police State Britain: Dissidents rounded up, will face firing squad
- David Cameron tells shadow cabinet to give up second jobs
- George Osborne: Unanswered questions remain
- Brown to unveil new, populist Cabinet
- Peter Mandelson's moustache makes shock return to cabinet
- David Cameron: Palindromes can solve this economic crisis
- Tory Conference: Cameron and Osborne put on their serious face
- Labour MPs rally round PM
- David Cameron: Working classes need a Nudge
- Prime Minister sends David Miliband on well earned fishing trip
- Friends of Jack Straw in a bad mood, not speaking to anyone
- James Purnell's sideburns tipped for top job
- Crackpot to stand in by-election
- Shami Chakrabarti: Publicity is a fundamental human right
- Cameron, Osborne: We are ready to move into Downing Street
- Man advertises for pals
- No.10 blames 'poisonous' briefings as woes mount up
- I see a role for Mandelson says Brown
- Cameron: Prime Minister is 'strange man'
- New row over deportation of foreign nationals
News Desk
- Teenager attempts to become youngest round-the-world yachtsman
- Liz Hurley wears dress
- Oddly shaped vegetables need not be discarded - EU
- Henry Porter Convention will highlight important issues
- Brangelina twins: First pictures
- Lap dancing - not exploitation but accountancy
- Polish workers leaving in droves - report
- Global financial meltdown update
- Prison watchdogs, Tartarus residents object to Titan jails
- Black hole to swallow Earth
- Sunderland puts in offer for Notting Hill
- Mosley celebrates libel win
- Pig wears wellies
- Banks stave off credit crunch
- Hannah Montana photos provoke outrage
- High spirits blamed for Princes' latest night out
- Diana inquest verdict: murdered by Prince Philip*
- Hybrid creatures round on Catholic Church
- Heather: Paul has favourable press
- Pupils should swear oath of allegiance - report
Middle East Desk
- Western imperialism blamed for new outrage
- Saudi court transcripts leaked
- Amnesty International shocked by latest human rights atrocity in Iran
- Teddy bear row - startling developments
- Cheney says Iran on his side of the car
- Exclusive interview with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
- Queen in shock Rushdie beheading
- Surge strategy is working - General
- Galloway: my Saddam shame
- Iran hostages: parading continues
- Former US envoy critical of own moustache
Science Desk
- Black hole to swallow Earth
- David Cameron: Fuck science
- Scientists issue timely warning
- Lifestyle journalist more knowledgeable than scientists
- Ethical storm as scientist becomes first man to clone own moustache
- Food: the silent killer
- Physicist's daughter not comforted by Schrödinger's cat paradox
- Could alien life exist in the form of DNA-shaped dust?
- Bird flu virus could mutate in unexpected ways
- Mix-up puts Blumenthal on the menu
- Majority think 'carbon footprint' must be cut
- List of superfoods expands to include pork pies
- Scientists discover new use for Nanotechnology
US Politics Desk
- USA to McCain: we're not your fucking "friends", okay?
- Republicans put faith in "John Frum" McCain
- Bill Clinton campaigns hard for Obama
- Republicans urge drilling for snake oil
- Dick Cheney steps into Georgia conflict
- Obama critical of insufficiently biased press
- US founding fathers now spinning at over 200 rpm
- Clinton campaign says wait until November
- McCain impulsively threatens critics over 'hothead' accusations
- Ghoulish Clinton wins big in Transylvania
- Hillary goes on attack with 3am phone call ad.
- US PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION: SPECIAL REPORT
- Clintons replace campaign manager after image change backfires
- Senator McCain 'not a Manchurian Candidate'
- US voters nervous about Giuliani confidence
- 0.1pc of US revels in democratic exercise
- Madman releases video threat to US
- Magna Carta to replace US Constitution
- White House latest victim of subprime crisis
- Swift Boat Veterans attack Hillary’s Vietnam record
- Republican candidates vow to deport themselves
- CIA exhausts medieval torture budget
- Is the nation ready for a President in a dress?
- Bush to cancel 2008 election - Sources
- Republicans: We're so not gay
- Peace prize awarded jointly to Al Gore and beard
Religious Affairs Desk
- Pope Benedict delivers seasonal message
- Does a bear, when shitting in the woods, realise how ridiculous it sounds?
- Church split over beards
- Anti-Scientology protestor arrested
- Brothers Grimm consult lawyers over slur
- Hybrid creatures round on Catholic Church
- Mother Teresa letters: This whole God thing really is a load of old bollocks
- God hits back in Sharia law row
- Answer found to age old theological puzzle
- Vatican: strong evidence for evolution
- Museum settles dinosaur dispute
- God still pondering response in Hitchens debate
Conspiracy Desk
- Diana inquest verdict: murdered by Prince Philip*
- Hoax, or hostile act by the masonic overlords that seek to rule every aspect of our existence?
- Diana: Inquest jury to be shown unseen film
- 9/11: The Conspiracy Behind the Conspiracy
- Emmerdale plane crash: Jews “had prior warning”
- New evidence in lunar "hoax" conspiracy
- Bush to cancel 2008 election - Sources
- Zionist Olympic plot revealed
- 9/11 Truth Campaigner: Collapse was a controlled demolition
- Poll boost for 7/7 Truth Campaign
- New evidence reveals truth about John Lennon murder
Arts Desk
- Paul: I gave John all his best ideas
- Britain falls for Mme Sarkozy's charm, breasts
- Heather: Paul has favourable press
- Celebrity couple push forward the boundaries of thought
- Led Zeppelin reunite - exclusive bootleg footage
- English National Ballet unveil latest production
- Arnie to solve Hollywood writer strike
- Blur play one off gig
- 'Merda' hoax divides art world
- Martin Amis: the Horrorism of dentistry
- Celebration of Sgt. Pepper anniversary set to continue
- Bryan Ferry admiration for Nazis provokes outrage
Sports Desk
- Suspicions grow along with Team GB's medal haul
- Spitz record under threat as Phelps fingers upper lip
- Olympics - Special Report
- Pietersen quits England captaincy over quota row
- Odds lengthen on Fischer-Spassky rematch
- Italian flies in to save English football
- Silver lining as England crash out
- Tour de France doping shock
- Flintoff axed after "lapse in judgement"
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