Every driver in UK "to be tracked by MI5"

Motorist groups say they have received a copy of secret government plans to allocate an MI5 officer to every driver in the country. Under the new proposals car owners will have their every movement tracked by secret agents who will follow them wherever they drive. The plan, which will have the effect of doubling the number of cars on Britain's roads, is just another example of anti-driver policies according to an influential lobby group. "We've got the highest fuel tax in the world, road tax, congestion charging, satellite tracking, road pricing and now this," said a spokesman for the National Drivers Alliance. "We are very unhappy at being systematically oppressed by this ORWELLIAN CAR-HATING FASCIST REGIME" he added, dribbling slightly.