Gays attempt to cure Tories

Gay rights activists have been criticised for an outreach programme targeting Tory MPs. These gays believe that they can "cure" Tories by driving out their "demons" through the worship of icons.

The gays have established a temple in which young Conservatives are counselled. "Phil", the prospective Tory candidate for Sutton and Cheam, was sent to the gays by his local party, who are all flaming. "I was told they could stop me believing in a Big Society," he said. "They said they had something much bigger they wanted to show me."

The latest row comes not long after a leading homosexualist, Christophe Gayling, caused uproar when he told a meeting of gay B&B owners that they should have the right to turn away Tories in case they smashed up the joint while looking like idiots.