Gays attempt to cure Tories

Gay rights activists have been criticised for an outreach programme targeting Tory MPs. These gays believe that they can "cure" Tories by driving out their "demons" through the worship of icons.

The gays have established a temple in which young Conservatives are counselled. "Phil", the prospective Tory candidate for Sutton and Cheam, was sent to the gays by his local party, who are all flaming. "I was told they could stop me believing in a Big Society," he said. "They said they had something much bigger they wanted to show me."

The latest row comes not long after a leading homosexualist, Christophe Gayling, caused uproar when he told a meeting of gay B&B owners that they should have the right to turn away Tories in case they smashed up the joint while looking like idiots.

New development in prayer "cure" controversy

"Oh Lord, cure them of their Toryism."

After some deliberation Tories reject Chris Grayling suggestion for election poster

Dave Cameron: I love the gays now, they're super

That pre-election conversion in full.

Pope critical of bears' right to shit in woods

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Republicans: We're so not gay

The Republican Party has moved quickly to restore its reputation for upholding family values after Idaho Senator Larry Craig resigned yesterday following his now notorious "bathroom incident".
Party officials said last night that they could foresee "no problems whatsoever on the gay front" with the fact that Craig's replacement would be chosen by Idaho Governor C.L. "Butch" Otter.
The Republican leadership is keen to scotch rumours that the whole social conservative movement is a seething mass of repressed and self-hating closet cases. Advising Governor Otter on his choice of appointee will be ex-House Majority Leader Tom "Cruise" DeLay and current Minority Whip, Trent "Dorothy" Lott (left, with Craig, centre, as one of a barbershop quartet known as The Singing Senators, singing their acclaimed a capella version of the theme from Cagney & Lacey).




UPDATE If Larry Craig were gay:

No exemption for British gays

The Westboro Baptist Church, which claims that God hates both homosexuals and, for 'selling her soul to sodomites', America, has confirmed that there is to be no exemption from God's wrath for UK gays. "We have received certain representations from the British homosexual community, but after due consideration we have taken the view that British fags are a raunchy little group of pagans, bastards, eunuchs, and insurgents and God hates them all and the whole of the UK too," a spokesman for the WBC said yesterday. "Now if you'll excuse me I have to go and picket my own bedroom," he added.