'Anti-Sleaze' party to contest next election

A party led by Neil and Christine Hamilton is to field candidates at the next general election on an anti-sleaze platform in protest at the scandal over MPs' expenses. Neil Hamilton, flanked by David Mellor and Jonathan Aitken as he launched the campaign, spoke to reporters today. "We need to clean up Parliament and return it to the good old days of cash bribes in brown paper bags," he said. "That Esther Rantzen is a bloody crook too," he added.

Brown to unveil new, populist Cabinet

Following the outpouring of public affection that has followed Peter Mandelson's return to the Cabinet, Gordon Brown has pledged to make a series of new appointments to the Cabinet based purely on levels of popularity with the public. Among those reported to be in the running for a Cabinet post are Neil and Christine Hamilton, Abu Hamza, the Sinclair C5 and the entire cast of the early 90s BBC soap Eldorado.