Demand for war crimes action as Blair departs

There was a growing clamour today for the arrest of anyone still calling for Mr Blair to be tried for war crimes. As the prime minister announced the timetable for his departure from Downing Street, however, a spokesman for the International Criminal Court at the Hague said there are no plans for any future trials. "I'm afraid you will have to deal with these absurd sanctimonious fantasists all by yourself."

Blair indictment: details still sketchy

The campaign to have prime minister Tony Blair impeached or prosecuted for his crimes has run into trouble as campaigners have failed to agree on either the charge sheet or a suitable punishment. Nobel prize-winning playwright and supporter of Slobodan Milosevic Harold Pinter demands the prosecution and imprisonment of Tony Blair at the International Criminal Court. But others say Pinter doesn't go far enough. "Blair should be executed for treason," says Andy O'Brien, former lawyer and now full time activist in Coventry. "There's no need for a trial. Just hang them all, like Saddam. Although hanging Saddam was totally wrong," he added. But he admits getting agreement on Mr Blair's worst crime is proving difficult. "There's genocide, fraud, corruption, cash for honours, David Kelly, PFI, supercasinos, just loads of stuff," says Mr O'Brien. "The problem is none of us can even agree on who should hire the minibuses to go down to the anti-war marches in London. It's very depressing, actually."

Blair avoids exit question with squirrel distraction

Prime minister's questions ended in uproar yesterday as Tony Blair deflected David Cameron's question about the timing of his departure. Asked by Mr Cameron to say precisely when he would be leaving Number 10, the prime minister distracted his opposite number's attention by pointing above the opposition benches and shouting "Look! A squirrel!" As opposition MPs turned to see the 'squirrel' the prime minister gathered his papers and ran out of the chamber leaving commentators speculating furiously whether this was a signal that Mr Blair is planning to stay in Downing Street longer than expected.

Angry parents blame government for inadequate warnings

The government was criticised last night for giving insufficient warnings about the consequences of pregnancy. One London father expressed astonishment at the huge volume of excrement produced by his infant son. The 38 year old from Hackney, who cannot be named for legal reasons, said: "I am absolutely disgusted. The child does nothing but shit and puke all day, and Tony Blair expects us to clean up the mess. I want to know why we were not told about this. I voted Labour in 1997, but not again. I'm switching to David Cameron." Minister for Children, Beverley Hughes MP, said this morning that the Labour government had increased provision of baby turd information by 200 per cent in the last five years.

Blair tells police where to get off

Tony Blair has been questioned for a second time by police investigating cash-for-honours allegations, it has emerged. Sources close to Downing Street said that Mr Blair had to be restrained by officers after he really kicked off. The prime minister was detained at No 10 last Friday until a doctor arrived at the request of police to administer a sedative. Mr Blair's official spokesman said the prime minister was denied a lawyer by the police during an interview during which Mr Blair told police they could kiss his lily-white arse. A police spokesman declined to comment.