Prosecute Cameron campaign gathers pace

The Conservative Party said this morning that it was unconcerned by a growing demand for leader David Cameron to be arrested. The campaign, led by members of the left wing Stop the War coalition, seeks to have the Tory leader prosecuted for "war crimes of the future". Peter O'Greary, a seasoned anti-war campaigner, said yesterday: "We are opposed to all forms of imperialist war, past, present, and future." Speaking outside Conservative Central Office at an anti-Cameron protest, he added: "Cameron is going to be the prime minister soon. We are demanding that he is arrested now and tried for the war crimes of the future. Thousands of innocent people are going to die because of what he's going to do. He must be tried at the Hague and left to rot in a cell." A Conservative Party spokesman said: "We are confident that David has not broken the law."

Couple's "amiable chat" investigated

Family members and friends reacted with scepticism to reports yesterday that a north London couple chatted amiably last week for more than half an hour. Sean and Daphne Richards, both 39, are said to have discussed a variety of topics including politics, the health of their two children and their plans for the weekend. But Daphne's sister Joan, 42, said yesterday that the story was "a load of rubbish." A friend of the pair added: "I know these two pretty well, and there's no way something like this could have happened." The married couple left their Islington house separately this morning without talking to reporters. Meanwhile police were conducting a forensic search of the property.

London man understands almost nothing

A Londoner admitted this week that he understood little of how things really work. David Burns, 41, a Camden lawyer, told reporters he was utterly bewildered by most things. "Despite - or perhaps because of - a good liberal education and a successful career in the law I haven't got a clue about anything that's really important," he said. "I mean, I've got absolutely no idea about science, or medicine, or anything that makes a damn difference to any one's lives." Mr Burns was speaking outside Tufnell Park tube station on his way to his office where he is currently working on a large fraud case. He added: "And don't get me started on helicopters."

Hoodies "dick about" for most of day

New research yesterday suggested that far from being the threatening maniacs of popular stereotype, most "hoodies" spend each day "dicking about". The University of Westminster has produced a report which suggests that most "hoodies" are harmless idiots. Howard "Howie" Cairn, a 16 year old Hackney hoodie (pictured) admitted that he and his mates spend most days just standing in the street doing nothing. "It's not all knives and mugging," he said. "Mostly we just hang around chatting about stuff. Where to get good knives, mostly." His mates refused to comment and walked off in the direction of the bus stop.

Home Office "can't be arsed"

Home Secretary John Reid came under renewed pressure today as a senior civil servant admitted that many staff at the department "can't be arsed" to do their job properly. The comment came as new allegations were made today that lists of overseas crimes were sitting on desks at the Home Office while civil servants pissed about rather than inputting the information onto the police national computer. It is thought that hundreds of criminal records have not been updated with crimes committed abroad. Police officials were this afternoon said to be "not that bothered" about the revelations.

Blair tells police where to get off

Tony Blair has been questioned for a second time by police investigating cash-for-honours allegations, it has emerged. Sources close to Downing Street said that Mr Blair had to be restrained by officers after he really kicked off. The prime minister was detained at No 10 last Friday until a doctor arrived at the request of police to administer a sedative. Mr Blair's official spokesman said the prime minister was denied a lawyer by the police during an interview during which Mr Blair told police they could kiss his lily-white arse. A police spokesman declined to comment.