Facial hair world rocked by fraud probe

"Would you seriously hand over your money to someone with a 'tache like that?"

Peter Mandelson's moustache makes shock return to cabinet

Gordon Brown's move to bring Peter Mandelson's moustache back into the cabinet has sent shock waves through Westminster. The feud between the pair dates back to the moustache's decision to back Tony Blair's bald spot instead of Mr Brown's luxuriant locks for the Labour leadership in 1994.

Olympics: Croatia unplaced in Mark Spitz look-alike event

Spitz record under threat as Phelps fingers upper lip

Mark Spitz's record haul of Olympic moustaches is under threat from American pool sensation Michael Phelps who is understood to be planning to unveil secret aerodynamic technology at the Beijing games this week. Spitz's moustache yesterday sent a good luck telegram to Phelps' upper lip in advance of the men's 200 metres freestyle and wax.

Genocide, moustache...what's not to like?

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(Via)

Ethical storm as scientist becomes first man to clone own moustache

In a breakthrough certain to provoke an ethical furore, boffin Dr Samuel Wood has created clones of his own moustache. Each tiny 'tache was smaller than a pinhead, but critics fear the technology could be exploited by mavericks. One opponent said: "We have got scientists wandering around in an ethical wilderness, forgetting about matters of justice relating to our fellow human beings and their facial hair." The Vatican has also condemned the cloning of moustaches. "This is the worst type of exploitation of the hirsute," said Monsignor Elio Sgreccia, president of the Pilose Academy, the Vatican department that helps oversee the Church's position on pogonotrophy.

Brown reignites 'Britishness' debate

Gordon Brown today tried to put his difficult week behind him by announcing that moustaches are to be made compulsory for all British men. The move is a return to the regulations which made moustaches obligatory for soldiers in the 1860s, at which time the 'hirsute accessory' was credited with helping to build the British Empire. A spokesman for the Prime Minister confirmed this afternoon that Mr Brown's own moustache will be brushed and pomaded, trained with iron curling tongs and its follicles fertilised with unguents.

Tensions mount as contest approaches

The World Beard & Moustache Championship will be held in Brighton on 1 September 2007 and will feature many international teams including from Germany, the USA and the UK.

Former US envoy critical of own moustache

John Bolton, former US ambassador to the United Nations, today criticised his own moustache over the Iran hostages crisis. The moustache's weakness in standing up to Iran in the stand-off handed a propaganda victory to Tehran, he said yesterday. "I was gravely disappointed that my facial hair decided to resolve this through diplomatic pussyfooting instead of bombing the hell out of Iran as I suggested," he said.