Refugees flock to Guardian's Liberty Central

Thousands of persecuted contributors to the Guardian's Comment Is Free have set up a make-shift refugee camp outside the newspaper's offices in north London. Sheltering in tents and impromptu wooden structures at the camp known as 'Liberty Central,' the refugees are seeking out a mysterious prophet known to some as Po' Rterhe Nry and to others as He' Nrypo Rter. Refugees relate how they have heard people speak of this semi-mythical figure in illegal coffee shops of Hampstead and the underground drinking houses of Islington. "I have brought my family here from far, far away," says one refugee, pointing, "From beyond Muswell Hill. We have been forced to flee our homes because of serious concerns over data protection," he says in hushed tones. "Where else can we go?" Another adds: "The corrupt totalitarian apparatchik control freaks of nu-Labour forced us here. This is worse than the old East Germany. I heard they are collecting our DNA so they can clone us and line their own pockets with the profits." Later in the day a rumour sweeps the camp that the prophet Po' Rterhe Nry is to appear and release them from their oppressors in just a few days. But then an awful realisation takes hold. As one refugee puts it: "Smith's bootboys will never let him speak. Never in a million years."

0.1pc of US revels in democratic exercise

Commentators hailed the Iowa caucuses as a victory for democracy, after an estimated 350,000 American citizens went to the polls to choose two presidential candidates on Thursday. Representing a whopping 0.1pc of the US population, the mass turnout of residents of the 30th largest state of the union has already thinned out the field of Republican and Democratic candidates and gone a long way to determining who will hold the most powerful office in world politics from 2009. "Picking presidential candidates is a big decision," said Raymond Staples, resident of neighbouring state South Dakota, which does not hold its party primary elections until June. "I'm just glad Iowa's there to do the job for us." The presidential candidates race is expected to be all but over after eligible voters among the 0.4pc of US citizens living in New Hampshire go to their primary on 8 January.

Putin complains of foreign influences on election

Russian president Vladimir Putin says that upcoming national elections are in danger of being influenced by foreign political cultures, particularly those of the Ancient Greek city state of Athens and Rome during the Republican period. "We must not bow to such perfidious and alien concepts as 'term limits', 'popular elections' and 'voting'," Putin told reporters, while ceremoniously burning a toga and smashing a wine amphora belonging to leading opposition figure Boris Nemtsov. Since he was elected president in 1999 Putin has been accused of suppressing sections of the media critical of his administration, and of hampering the efforts of international monitors to oversee elections. Although dismissive of Athenian democracy, Putin has expressed interest in the fate of the Greek philosopher Socrates as a method of dealing with political opponents.