Immigration: Home Office admits uncertainty

The Home Office last night admitted that it did not know its arse from its elbow. The uncertainty came as it emerged that officials had been unable to produce accurate migration figures for the last ten years. Migration minister Liam Byrne said: "The public is right to expect the government to have the right migration statistics. Two big changes are needed to get to grips with this: one, we must identify our arse properly, and two, we need a new system to track down our elbow. In the next couple of weeks we will announce exactly how we do it."