Friday, 29 June 2007
Thursday, 28 June 2007
Wednesday, 27 June 2007
Tuesday, 26 June 2007
Monday, 25 June 2007
Oh God said to Abraham, "Kill me a son"
Abe says, "Man, you must be puttin' me on"
God say, "No." Abe say, "What?"
God say, "You can do what you want Abe, but
The next time you see me comin' you better run"
Well Abe says, "Where do you want this killin' done?"
God says, "Out on Highway 61."
Bob Dylan and The Band, Isle of Wight, 31 August 1969
Saturday, 23 June 2007
The Westboro Baptist Church, which claims that God hates both homosexuals and, for 'selling her soul to sodomites', America, has confirmed that there is to be no exemption from God's wrath for UK gays. "We have received certain representations from the British homosexual community, but after due consideration we have taken the view that British fags are a raunchy little group of pagans, bastards, eunuchs, and insurgents and God hates them all and the whole of the UK too," a spokesman for the WBC said yesterday. "Now if you'll excuse me I have to go and picket my own bedroom," he added.
Friday, 22 June 2007
The furore surrounding the knighthood awarded to Salman Rushdie took a shocking turn today at an early private investiture at Buckingham Palace. Stung by criticisms at home and abroad that the award was insensitive to Muslims, Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II decided to take matters into her own hands and restore Britain's honour.
With Rushdie kneeling on the knighting-stool in front of the Queen, equerries and ladies-in-waiting watched stunned as Her Majesty sliced Rushdie's head off his shoulders with her ceremonial sword, screaming, "God is great! Death to apostates!" The Queen then ordered a video of the execution to be sent to Al Jazeera.
Pakistan's Religious Affairs minister, who previously warned of suicide bombings following the award, said in response to the execution, "A woman beheading an apostate? Blasphemy! Boy, are you going to be sorry now."
Thursday, 21 June 2007
Senior Lib Dems have angrily denounced Gordon Brown's recent overtures to leading members of their party. Paddy Ashdown has confirmed that Brown offered him a seat in the Cabinet as Northern Ireland Secretary.
A spokesman for Menzies Campbell, the Lib Dem leader, said today, "It is outrageous that Gordon Brown should try to trick us into joining the government. It was touch and go after the Scottish Parliament elections, but we avoided a coalition there, and we're damn well going to avoid doing anything of consequence here as well. "
Wednesday, 20 June 2007
Monday, 18 June 2007
Sunday, 17 June 2007
Saturday, 16 June 2007
Friday, 15 June 2007
Thursday, 14 June 2007
Several sharp-eyed investigators have uncovered a disturbing clue embedded in the new 2012 Olympics logo which suggests that the Jews are planning to open a new front in their ceaseless quest to take over the world: sports.
Wednesday, 13 June 2007
Sunday, 10 June 2007
Political commentator Neil Clark has come under fire from porn surfers for adding gratuitous political comment to a graphic upskirt photograph of Serbian tennis player Ana Ivanovic who reached the final of the French Open this week. One unnamed onanist said today: "It's disgusting. I was quite happily browsing the internet when suddenly I came across this unpleasant apologism for Slobodan Milosevic. It really put me off."
Friday, 8 June 2007
Wednesday, 6 June 2007
Tuesday, 5 June 2007
Startling evidence has emerged which proves that Richard Nixon and Ronald Reagan arranged for the assassination of former Beatle John Lennon in 1980, and that the murderer was not Mark Chapman but someone altogether more surprising.