David Cameron: Campaign poster is not airbrushed

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Latest data loss revealed

Gordon Brown today denied responsibility for the loss of a memory stick which contained Labour's chances of winning the next election.

Pigs and men

Gordon Brown today denied that the government was panicking and letting the Conservatives set the political agenda, after the government's pre-budget report yesterday appropriated Conservative proposals on inheritance tax and non-domiciles.
The Prime Minister responded to the criticism as he announced the rolling out of non-means tested hereditary baronetcies for all working families. "And I will not rest," he said, "until every child in Britain has a place at Eton.
"I mean, at a good school."

Huge jungle beast scared off by buzzing insect

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Cameron to Brown: Bring on the election, we have nothing to fear

Conservative leader David Cameron today called on Prime Minister Gordon Brown to "stop dithering" and call an election as soon as possible. Mr Cameron, who was speaking on Blackpool beach, was asked if he was ready for an election and responded with a confident "You bet!" before folding his clothes into a neat pile on the sand, wading into the water and swimming far, far out to sea. Supporters watched and waited until the Tory leader's tiny bobbing head dipped below the furthest, silent wave.

New outbreak will not spread - scientists

Boffins are confident that the latest outbreak of election fever will be contained within newly created control zones in Blackpool and Bournemouth. The insect-borne disease does not affect humans.