Tuesday, 27 May 2008

Blow to creationists as intelligent designer revealed

Mmmmm. Story.

The hidden dangers of Britain's Got Talent

'One day scientists will genetically create a DOG speaking like the one in Man in Black movie. They will be compared to mankind.

Thursday, 22 May 2008

Wednesday, 21 May 2008

David Cameron: Fuck science

Conservative leader David Cameron last night defied scientific evidence to vote for the upper limit for abortions to be lowered to 20 weeks. The Commons threw out the proposals and other restrictions tabled by the pro-life camp, but Cameron surprised the House with his intervention: "Fuck science," he said. "Aaaaah, it's a lickle-ickle baby," he added.

Tuesday, 20 May 2008

Clinton campaign says wait until November

Advisers for presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton say she will not withdraw from the Democratic nomination race until November at the earliest, despite a Denver party convention date in August and rival Barack Obama holding a practically unassailable lead in delegates. "Even a majority at the convention doesn't mean a nominee is chosen," campaign chairman Terry McAuliffe told reporters, before passing out a copy of Democratic convention rules that appeared to have been hastily written on a cocktail napkin. "Go on, read it. It's all there." Trouble looms for Clinton as rival Barack Obama is expected to reach a majority of pledged delegates in the Oregon and Kentucky primaries today. But the Clinton campaign says it is pinning hopes for a comeback on a previously little-known group of "super-duper" delegates, which consists of former two-term Democratic presidents. President Bill Clinton is looking forward to being vigorously courted.

Friday, 16 May 2008

Great extinction underway, say scientists

Between a quarter and a third of the world's annoying bastards will be made extinct at the next general election, according to data compiled by the Zoological Society of London. "You'd have to go back to the extinction of the dinosaurs in 1997 to see a decline as rapid as this," says Jonathan Loh, editor of the report.

Thursday, 15 May 2008

Wednesday, 14 May 2008

John Edwards endorses self for vice president

Former Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards tonight ended months of speculation in Washington by endorsing himself for vice president. Speaking to reporters, Edwards explained his decision. "I have thought long and hard and I firmly believe that by throwing support behind myself I am backing the right man for the job."

Monday, 12 May 2008

The wolves are unimpressed

I have of late - but
wherefore I know not - lost all my mirth, forgone all

custom of exercises; and indeed it goes so heavily
with my disposition that this goodly frame, the
earth, seems to me a sterile promontory, this most
excellent canopy, the air, look you, this brave
o'erhanging firmament, this majestical roof fretted
with golden fire, why, it appears no other thing to
me than a foul and pestilent congregation of vapours.
What a piece of work is a man! how noble in reason!
how infinite in faculty! in form and moving how
express and admirable! in action how like an angel!
in apprehension how like a god! the beauty of the
world! the paragon of animals! And yet, to me,
what is this quintessence of dust?

Wednesday, 7 May 2008

Friday, 2 May 2008

Thursday, 1 May 2008

Mervyn King forecasts good news - banks panic and run around shrieking

There were fears of financial meltdown yesterday as bankers finally lost all reason and became hysterical at the revelation that the Bank of England had assessed the losses from the credit crunch as less than previously feared.
City traders took to the streets, wailing and tearing at their clothes, apparently driven to insanity at the news that the whole thing was containable. Psychologists diagnosed severe neurosis and attention seeking disorder.

Bullingdon Clubbers