Ethical storm as scientist becomes first man to clone own moustache

In a breakthrough certain to provoke an ethical furore, boffin Dr Samuel Wood has created clones of his own moustache. Each tiny 'tache was smaller than a pinhead, but critics fear the technology could be exploited by mavericks. One opponent said: "We have got scientists wandering around in an ethical wilderness, forgetting about matters of justice relating to our fellow human beings and their facial hair." The Vatican has also condemned the cloning of moustaches. "This is the worst type of exploitation of the hirsute," said Monsignor Elio Sgreccia, president of the Pilose Academy, the Vatican department that helps oversee the Church's position on pogonotrophy.