Tuesday, 26 August 2008

Prison watchdogs, Tartarus residents object to Titan jails

A government plan to build new "Titan jails" has come under fire from prison watchdogs and residents of Tartarus, the proposed site in the lowest level of the Ancient Greek underworld. Titans are already overcrowding the prison system, making the building of divine eternal jails a top priority, says Secretary of State for Justice Jack Straw. But budget considerations, and objections from local residents could delay the project for an aeon, or possibly an age. "The plan is to have Tantalus unsuccessfully trying to drink water or eat grapes that are always out of his reach," National Council of Independent Monitoring Boards president Peter Selby says. "And Sisyphus has to roll a rock up a hill for eternity? Health and Safety won't be happy. Where are the cost-benefit studies on all this?" Residents are also concerned about the effect on property prices in the underworld. "Real estate prices are already crashing round here with the credit crunch," says Tartarus native Steven Handley. "Who's going to want to buy my house if Prometheus is having his liver pecked out on a daily basis next door?"

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