Wednesday, 3 June 2009

Horror in Browntown

Reports are filtering out from Browntown of a horrifying mass-suicide. Browntown, the informal name for the Government of the United Kingdom, is named after the co-founder of the New Labour cult, Gordon Brown. Followers of Brown, known as Ministers, are reportedly committing suicide as part of a bizarre ritual known as "reshuffling". Details of the ritual are sketchy, but it is believed that Brown intends to cast some of his followers out of the cult, and to elevate preferred acolytes, in an attempt to propitiate their god, Gallup-Mori. Some Ministers who are to be cast out into the wilderness (the "back of the benches", in cult lore) have chosen self-immolation instead, with one case reported of seppuku, or disemboweling oneself on one's own second home.

Browntown began as a benign experiment in social democracy but conditions have recently deteriorated. Ministers have complained of intrusive media attention, an atmosphere of paranoia, and an unusual number of accountancy errors. Brown's behaviour has become increasingly erratic, and some cult supporters are praying for delivery by a mythical "postman".

Bullingdon Clubbers