Ringo Starr launches new eyewear range

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Demonstrators tweet, Iran teeters

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Ahmadinejad says recount is impossible: 'We didn't count them the first time'

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UN Conference on Racism "a triumph"

The organisers of the 2009 UN Conference to promote antisemitism have declared themselves delighted with the first day of the Geneva conference yesterday. The keynote speaker, Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, "pushed all the right buttons", said a conference organiser. "To have the world's most famous Holocaust denier speak on the eve of Holocaust Remembrance Day? A masterstroke!"

The head of the UN Human Rights Council, the body responsible for the conference, also expressed pleasure at the outcome. "Listen, we've got Russia, China, Azerbaijan, you name it on this Council. Saudi Arabia, for Chrissakes. Filthy regimes, the lot of them. And the only country we ever criticise is you-know-who. So we had a lot to live up to."


BONUS UNITED NATIONS FUN:

Libya bitch-slapped.

Hello Mahmoud!

Stepping out in a typically stylish and tieless grey two-piece, diminutive Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad brought his own inimitable glamour to a grateful New York in a whirlwind two-day visit. Olly's Onions caught up with him to ask him a few questions.

OO: Mr President...
MA: Mahmoud, please.
OO: Mahmoud, welcome to New York City. You've really stirred things up here...
MA: (Chuckles) Well, you know, as the song goes, it's a wonderful town! But seriously, I've had a blast. I'm gonna be out tonight, hoo boy. Shaking my tuches. Feeling fine.
OO: And where will you be going?
MA: First I'm going to try one of your famous hot dogs. All beef, like my men! (Laughs) Only kidding. Then I'm going to catch The Producers on Broadway. I've been dying to see it for years. "Bialystock & Bloom! Bialystock & Bloom!" I LOVE that film.
OO: We're surprised to hear you say that. As a Holocaust denier....
MA: No! Why is only Mel Brooks allowed to make jokes about Nazis? (Sings) "We're marching to a faster pace, look out here comes the master race." I mean, brilliant!
OO: So what's with you and nukes?
MA: Relax, relax, I'm just pulling everyone's shvantz. Or AM I? (Laughs)
OO: And what is your message to the people of New York?
MA: I'd say to each one of you, be a mensch. And if you can't be a mensch, be amazing.
OO: Mr President...
MA: Mahmoud, please.
OO: Mahmoud, thank you.

Help at hand for worried presidents

Find out here.